Dead Birds are FALLING FROM THE SKIES!!!

This guy's safe...BUT FOR HOW LONG?!

I'm sure by now that we've all heard the news: Dead Birds Are Dead.

And of course news outlets are as helpful as ever, calling such things "unexplained" (which all too many people read as "unexplainable").  A quick Google News search for "dead birds" pulls up lots of fear.

Dead Birds and Dead Fish in Bible affiliated wih the demise of mankind?

Whoa, that's a scary one right from the get-go. I know here in the Pine Tree State we've got our share of believers in such things and the thought of it being real is enough to send a shiver up plenty of spines.

Now I notice that this first news article misses some of the very basic "five Ws" that I learned about in second grade. Actually it skips most of them and heads right into "Why". What I don't see is WHO is examining these birds, WHAT is really happening (how many birds, for example), WHERE exactly these instances are happening, or WHEN it is happening (for example, is it overnight, in broad daylight, over a period of days, or all in one go?).

At least it mentions some sources, including Fox News, a Bible website, and a 19th-century news article in the New York Times.

Animal, Bird and Crab Mass Deaths Spark Apocalypse Theories Online

Eep! MASS deaths!

Again, not a helluvalot of news here, just lots of speculation. Let's see who can give us some authoritative word on what's really going on here. Maybe, I dunno, an expert on birds, or epidemiology?

Kirk Cameron: Dead birds aren't the end of the world

Finally, some reason here! Here's a heads-up, journalists: if the former 80s teen star turned minister says that it's ridiculous to contact him instead of a scientist on this? It's ridiculous.

And finally, buried way down in the links, hidden below a list of conspiracy theory and gloom headlines, we have...

Scientists Offer Possible Explanation for Dead Birds Phenomenon

OK, here we have a scientist who didn't star in any sitcoms in the 80s saying this sort of thing is fairly commonplace and can happen for a variety of reasons.

But just so the conspiracy theorists and those who live in fear faith can still be validated, we've got this at the end: "Scientists have said however, that these conclusions are just theories, and can't be proven 100%."

Did you hear that?  Just a theory!  Like evolution, or gravity!

No speculation, rational or not, can be proven 100%.  Scientists are just honest enough with themselves and with the reading public to say so.

Today's Word: BINGO.

In Which I'm Still Not Smited (Smote? Smitten?)

I can only assume a few things at this point.

1. Someone's praying against my smiting.
2. I'm being set up for a last-minute, unexpected smiting.
3. Nobody's there to smite me.

Now, I could go through the whole mental gymnastics of "maybe it's XYZ".  I'm sure I could make up speculative conclusions all day long, if I had nothing else to do on my day off.  But let's just work with these for now.

Possibility #1: Someone's praying against my smiting.

I know that I have friends and family who are of various flavors of belief, from the dyed-in-the-wool fundamentalist to the lax and liberal.  And they're people I really care about and I like to think care about me.  Therefore it's not altogether unlikely that one or more of them may be praying that their god NOT smite me.  That I get delivered from smiting, I guess, would be a particularly prayer-ful way of putting it.

If such is the case I envision it going something to the tune of, "Dear Lord, please show her the error of her ways [or that you're merciful, or that you exist] and show mercy on her by not smiting her.  She knows not what she says; forgive her her boastful ways and let her instead see thy love, Amen."

Here's the problem I have with that.  OK, there's more than one actually.   First off, if your god has a plan for each and every one of us, as many believers of various flavors are fond of saying, then really why ask the guy to change the plan at all?  Isn't that suggesting that the plan, by being alterable, is somehow flawed?  And that you have a better idea than the Big Guy of what the plan should be?

The other problem is this: "Prove you're up there by doing nothing" just isn't good enough for me.  Doing nothing is just as sound proof that there was nobody there to answer the phone in the first place.

So, God, if you're up there, if you're checking your voice mail, whatevs, then please do what you do best and ignore their pleas for mercy.  I think many readers here will agree that I got this coming to me.

Possibility #2: I'm being set up for a last-minute smiting.

Well that's just kind of cheating, isn't it?  I mean, we all die.  What's it prove if that smiting is years or decades in coming and doesn't happen until I'm old and withered?  What's it prove if it could be interpreted as anything else, such as old age, another person's malice (we have free will, right?  Believers, you agree with me on this one?), another person's bad driving, etc?  If this is going to be a prove me wrong type smiting, it really needs to be an absolutely crystal clear, no-false-interpreting-about-it smiting.

"Tamino" proposes a deadline, though I'm not so sure I'm the one who can be making such a decision.  But he suggests that since God was able to make everything in the space of seven days according to scripture, then a week seems like a reasonable amount of time to pull off a smiting.  Now, if we go by that, you'll note that the counter at the bottom-left portion of this blog puts me at about 3 days and change at the time of this writing.  But I'll keep it going, even after a week, just to see.

Possibility #3: Nobody's there to smite me.

I'm still leaning to this one.  Occam's Razor states that all other things being equal, the simplest explanation is the likeliest one.  And this one's about as simple and likely as it gets.

In Which I Call Out God

Smite me, O mighty smiter! (Cartoon: Gary Larson)

It started with a letter to the Bangor Daily News:

The evolution lie

The announcement by scientists that the first human remains were found in Israel should not be a surprise. That is where creation started, and where humans began, in the Garden of Eden.

How can anyone believe any science that belittles the Bible story of life? If they do, they have put themselves in jeopardy to receive God’s salvation at death.

Why must atheists get their way and remove God from our lives? The majority of people in the world believe God created life and not that humans evolved. Somewhere, sometime those that will not stop teaching the lie of evolution will pay for their error in judgment.

Charles Sykes

Stockholm

 What followed in the comments thread can only be described as a good old-fashioned forum style flamewar.  The sad news: there are more creationists reading the BDN than I'd previously thought.  The good news: there are also more rational thinkers reading the BDN (who don't take such things lying down) than I'd previously thought as well.

A new, much shorter bible

Full of Filler-y Goodness

The Ten Commandments (give or take)

Happy Thursday, Unfaithful... I'm behind in posting so for now, have a bit of a sermon from Brother George Carlin to hold you over.